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Newsletter No.8 -Ending

Hello, everyone. I hope you all have been doing well wherever you are. The U.K. has been in lockdown for 11 weeks now. However, we have been gradually experiencing a “new normal” as the lockdown measurement has been lifted up. In this newsletter, I would like to talk about “ending”.

I learnt the significance of “ending” in my therapy training. Ending in a therapeutic relationship is vital and can be painful for clients and the therapist. As a therapist, I start mentioning about an ending a few sessions before the last one, so that client(s) and I can explore what the ending is like for us. Every ending holds both “hope and regret, accomplishment and disappointment, loss and gain (Holmes, p.159). At the moment, as a client, I have to face ending with my therapist whom I have been seeing for seven years. He has therapeutically supported me to go through the training, bereavement, marriage, pregnancy and parenting (Wow, a lot happened!). I need to see him in person before I go. But again, this all depends on the coronavirus situation.

Not only in the therapeutic alliance, do we always have to face ending in our lives. Before leaving India, I did not spend enough time preparing the children, whom I worked with, for me finishing the work and a possible long absence of mine. I was emotionally as much attached to them as they were to me (More details in the Newsletter No.1). It made me feel guilty to leave the kids behind as we, as a strong team, were doing so many creative artworks and there were millions of possibilities ahead of us. It took me a long time to accept that I needed to finish this chapter of my life. When I came to London, there was one thing in my mind that I would not emotionally invest for people, so that I wouldn’t feel hurt and find it absolutely difficult to move on again. Well, that was a crazy idea as you always meet people and would get attached to them to some extent. When I started the personal therapy in London, I had to work a lot on this issue.

Now time has come to close the London chapter of my life and open a new page on the other side of the world. Since 2016, my husband and I have been actively discussing a move to Australia as we would like to stay closer to our family and have more sunshine. After having postponed our move last year, we now have set a date of leaving the UK this September. In this strange time, one of my biggest fears is that: Can I really say good bye to everyone in person? Although we have three more months left, the situation of lockdown can change anytime (As of now, we can meet friends and family from different households in groups of up to six people while socially distancing). It is so important that I see my good friends in person and hug them (if possible) before I go. I do really hope that I could do what I need to do before September. Ending does not limit to seeing friends. Saying good bye to the places I am fond of is part of the ending. There are the restaurants, cafes, parks and some other places in London where I want to visit again.

I hope everyone will continue to stay safe and connected with one another. Thank you for reading this!

Reference; Holmes, J. (1997), “Too early, too late. Endings in Psychotherapy. Attachment Perspectives” British Journal of Psychotherapy, 14(2),pp.159-171

ニュースレターNo.8 ~ エンディング



 セラピー関係においてのエンディングだけではなく、日常でも私たちは様々なところでエンディングを経験する。インドを出るとき、私は子どもたちとの別れにきちんと向き合うことができなかった。学校を去ること、当分は帰ってこられないことなど、きちんと話せなかったと思う。子どもたちも私も、互いが互いに愛着していた (詳しくはニュースレターNo.1にて)。最強のチームとして、いろんなクリエティブな作品作りをして、たくさんの可能性を持っていただけに、子どもたちを置いて出て行ってしまったという罪悪感を私は抱いていた。インドでの生活に一旦ピリオドを打つ、ということを受け入れるのにすごく時間がかかった。だから、ロンドンに来たときは、感情たっぷりいれた人間関係をなるべく作りたくない、もう一度傷ついて次に行けないようにしたくはない、ということを頭から決めていた。人と人が交わる限り、愛着は沸くものだから、今考えるとそれは全くクレイジーなアイデアだったと思う。セラピーを始めた時に、この問題について時間をたくさん割いて、再構築しなければならなかった。

 そして今、ロンドン生活にピリオドを打ち、地球の反対側で新しい生活を始めようとしている。家族の近くにいたいのと、もっと陽が当たるところで生活をしたいという理由から、2016年ぐらいから夫と私は積極的にオーストラリア移住について考慮し始めた。 昨年移住の予定が延期になったが、今年9月にイギリスを出るということをとうとう決めた。このコロナ禍の中で、最も恐れていることの一つは、個人的に会ってさよならをきちんと言えるのだろうか、ということだ。あと3か月あるけれども、ロックダウンがまた敷かれるかもしれない(現在は、最大6人まで別の世帯の人とソーシャルディスタンシングを保ちながら外で会えるというルール)。友人に直接会ってサヨナラを言い、(可能なら)ハグをすることが私にとってはとても大切だ。すべきことを9月までできるよう本当に願っている。エンディングは友人に会うだけではなく、自分の好きなレストランやカフェ、公園等を最後にもう一度行く、ということも含まれている。


参考資料; Holmes, J. (1997), “Too early, too late. Endings in Psychotherapy. Attachment Perspectives” British Journal of Psychotherapy, 14(2),pp.159-171

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