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Newsletter No.7 ~ Boredom!

Hello, everyone. I hope you have been staying safe and well. In the U.K., we are now into the 8th week of lockdown and it seems to me that we sort of now got used to the idea of social distancing. In this newsletter, I would like to talk about young people in a mental health institution in relation to what I am experiencing now.

I have been struggling to find a theme to write about. My mind has been so blank that my thoughts seem to have stopped working since a couple of weeks now. Let’s be honest. I am super bored every day. I get up (after many broken sleeps), play, exercise, eat, cook and sleep. Every single day is the same. (Of course, I get good laughs and joy from my little heroes and my husband.) At the beginning of lockdown, I was trying so hard to do different things that make me feel “we have done something (enough) today”. Now, it seems like more of a sense of pause occupies me and I nearly “give up being hard”. I have not been actively trying to message everyone, organise a massive group video call, etc. I have been calmly waiting for a day when we can go socialising again!

During my maternity leave (since last October), sometimes I think about young people in the mental health hospital where I worked. I think what I am feeling right now is quite similar to what these guys often express while being in hospital. I was working with young people aged 12-18 who are suffering from various illnesses such as depression, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, schizophrenia and so on. When they come to the hospital, some of them are in denial of reality (i.e. hospitalisation), extremely anxious and sometimes destructive. A few weeks later, they become a bit calmer as they get used to the new routine in hospital. Then some of them become super bored and stopped engaging in any activities we offer. I had offered movement therapy sessions for them and found it really difficult even to bring them to the therapy room. Their sense of boredom may be beyond boredom, and more frustrations and anger lie in them. All I could do with them was to move together in empathy and breathe together. They often said that they cannot see any light coming in in their dark tunnel.

I guess what I am experiencing right now is close to what these young people might feel in mental health institution. I sometime feel that I cannot see “an end” of this strange time knowing and believing that there would be an end. Sometimes my frustrations are projected onto my family which I am very aware of and I need to allow myself to be easy.

During this pandemic, I would like to keep my thoughts for those who struggle in their life due to mental health issues. It must be really hard for them to feel less anxious and stay calmer. I do really hope that they can get an appropriate support from professionals.

I hope you all continue to stay safe and well wherever you are. Thanks for reading!

ニュースレター No.7 ~退屈







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