Loss : Can I stay with an "unknown" feeling?


I am preparing to visit the U.K and just to start a new life with my life partner.

I have been put in an incredibly unstable situation since I had applied for a PhD course: it wasn't sure whether i was gonna be accepted as a student and able to stay with my partner and friends at the familiar city. Everyone around me had given me a tremendous support and kind words. However, there was not an enough space for a candidate to start a PhD, so I had to leave the city at the end of the year 2015, which was a sudden short notice for me and others. It felt to me that i have lost EVERYTHING that i could think of; a chance to stay together with my partner, jobs, friends, networks, places where i felt comfortable and so on. It was such a huge loss. I asked myself many times; why is it ME who has to go through this hardship? This reminded me of my another loss in the past: i had to leave India all of sudden after having stayed and worked there for 11 years. Another loss between these two was that I experienced my mother's passing two years ago, which drastically changed my life. I will not mention much about it here now. What i am trying to say is that we always face a loss in our life without any notice!!! The older you become, the more losses you may experience! Life is indeed hard.

Now I am going back to the place where i was. Though I have been super active all the time, this is the first time that i am going to give a pause to myself....! Not doing much professional work! This may be the first and last chance for me to be a HOUSEWIFE!!! It sounds funny as i have always considered myself as a working woman who aims at a high career. But i am going to drop out of that railway.............

To understand the feeling of instability, my supervisor has asked me to stay with a feeling of "unknown". She says, "Why don't you explore this feeling creatively?" "Are there any images, words, associations etc in relation to your feeling?" This is part of a dance movement psychotherapy{DMP} way of thinking! Just live with a lived experience! It is time to listen to myself..... Just stay where i shall be. It sounds spiritual and it is far from me being so yet! My DMP colleagues remind me that i will grow out of this experience. I hope i will!





#dancetherapy #loss #DMP #Phd #housewife #pause

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